Tag Archives: Song of Ice and Fire

Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 9 House/Order Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

And who are you, the proud lord said,
that I must bow so low?
Only a cat of a different coat,
that’s all the truth I know.
In a coat of gold or a coat of red,
a lion still has claws,
And mine are long and sharp, my lord,
as long and sharp as yours.
And so he spoke, and so he spoke,
that lord of Castamere,
But now the rains weep o’er his hall,
with no one there to hear.
Yes now the rains weep o’er his hall,
and not a soul to hear.

1. House Lannister (Last Week – #2)

This, my non-book reading friends, is what Tywin Lannister is writing all of those letters for.  As is his wont, he will say “Oh Lord Frey did that,” but you know this is his work.

2. House Frey (Last Week – NR)

The only consolation is that winter is coming, and the North remembers.  Also there are a shitload of these bastards and their war torn lands don’t have a lot of crops left, so more than a few will starve to death.

3. House Targaryen (Last Week – #1)

When you read “A Storm of Swords,” the Dany chapters seem kind of out of place.  It has a feeling of “meanwhile, back in Essos, the Mother of Dragons is about to sack another city you haven’t heard mentioned of before.”  This episode captured that feeling.

4. The Night’s Watch (Last Week – #3)

Jon is on his way back, just ahead of Mance Rayder’s army.  Meanwhile, Sam has actually gotten to the wall.  Good week for the boys in black.

5. House Tyrell (Last Week – #7)

No one from House Tyrell was in harm’s way this week.  And that’s a win.

6. House Bolton (Last Week – NR)

Up yours Roose Bolton!  What do they do with traitorous roosters?  They chop their heads off and boil them in a pot, which is more than you deserve.  That is all.

7. The Free People (Last Week – #4)

Jon is on his way back to the Wall.  Poor Ygritte.

8. House Stark (Last Week – #6)

So, how about that Bran Stark!

Also receiving votes: House Baratheon, House Greyjoy, The Brotherhood without Banners, House Tully, pig sellers, city guards, and old horse breeders.

(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 8 House/Order Power Rankings

With HBO airing a movie about Liberace next Sunday, we have to wait two weeks for another episode of Game of Thrones.  Fortunately, Episode 8 left us with a lot to chew on.  Anyway, here are your power rankings.

1. House Targaryen (Last Week – #1)

The house words of House Targaryen are “Fire and Blood,” usually meaning that this is how they “take what is theirs.”  Our Mother of Dragons, however, has found a third way to get what she wants, by batting her eyes and lounging around seductively.  They say sex sells, but in this case it buys.  It buys loyalty and a sack fulls of heads that is.

2. House Lannister (Last Week – #2)

Man, Tyrion just cannot get any respect.  Even after he pledges Sansa that he will never hurt her, she throws it back in his face with a “What if I never want to touch you?”  Ouch! Still, a good week for House Lannister in that Lord Tywin seems to have Joff the Bastard on a short leash for the time being.

3. The Night’s Watch (Last Week – NR)

Yeah Sam!  Kill that ice monster!

4. The Free People (Last Week – #3)

No sign of Jon Snow’s new friends this week.  Still, since this means that none of them were killed in nasty ways, they stay on the list.

5. House Baratheon (Last Week – #6)

Apparently Stannis is done grounding Davos, who is probably the only person able to keep Stannis grounded (see what I did there?).  They’ll have to wait and see if anything comes from the Red Witch’s ill-gotten-fire-leech curse.  I mean, c’mon, couldn’t she have just done that when he was sleeping instead of teasing him like that?

6. House Stark (Last Week – #5)

The direwolves keep dropping.  Sansa is married against her will, Arya has to put up with the Hound, and Robb has to put his war on hold to watch his bonehead uncle get married.

7. House Tyrell (Last Week – #4)

The Starks may be in trouble, but the Tyrell’s have fallen fully into the category known as “Tywin Lannister’s Pawns.”  And to think they were so close to the top.

8. House Greyjoy (Last Week – #8)

The Ironmen still control a decent sized chunk of land, and Stannis seems to think highly enough of them to put some kind of fire curse on their king.  Plus we didn’t have to watch Theon get tortured this week.

Also receiving votes: The Brotherhood Without Banners, House Tully, House Bolton, House Frey, the Second Sons, The Yunkai, leeches, The White Walkers, and the Red Keep’s (now empty, thanks to Tyrion) wine cellar.

(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 7 House/Order Power Rankings

This week was a bit of a setup episode.  As someone who’s about 1/3 of the way through “A Feast for Crows,” I know that it will work a lot better when viewing the season as a whole.  That being said, here are the Power Rankings:

1. House Targaryen (Last Week – #2)

Translation: “Oh hi, how are you?  Do you like my horrible beasts?  No?  You’ll like them even less when they’re burning you and your slavedriving scumbag friends to ash.  Now here’s your option – free your slaves or die a horrible, fiery death.  Oh, and thanks for the free gold.”

2. House Lannister (Last Week – #1)

That, Cersei, is how you deal with a spoiled, crazy little brat.  Also, “I immediately regret this decision.  These bears are massive.  They looked a lot smaller from up there!”

3. The Free People (Last Week – #5)

Mance’s crew moves up this week by virtue of the fact that they’re literally the only group to have made positive progress towards any particular goal.  Sure, Jon is probably right when he says that they’re ultimately doomed, but it’s friggin’ Westeros.  If you don’t think by now that everyone is ultimately doomed, you haven’t been paying attention.

4. House Tyrell (Last Week – #3)

Margaery Tyrell likes to think she’s playing the long game.  Sure Joff is a horrible monster, but she will make sure that their kid is not.  Just keep telling yourself that.

5. House Start (Last Week – #4)

Arya really needs to stop running away from people.  It just doesn’t seem to make things any better for her.  And yes, Sansa, you are a stupid little girl.  Also, Robb, um, maybe you should focus on winning the bloody war before you worry about continuing your line.

6. House Baratheon (Last Week – NR)

Gendry learns who his father is.  Sure he learns it from a crazy witch who probably wants to set him on fire, but at least he got some closure dammit!

7. House Frey (Last Week – NR)

The river troll has pretty much caused all the action on the show to screech to a halt while pawning off another of his disgusting children for marriage.  Even Roose Bolton is heading to the Twins, and we know what a party animal he seems to be.

8. House Greyjoy (Last Week – #7)

The Theon stuff needs to end.  More focus, please, on the fact that these pirates control a ton of territory.  After all, George R.R. Martin seems to like these losers a lot more than any of his fans do, and he wrote this episode.

Also receiving votes: House Tully, the Night’s Watch, House Bolton, the Yunkai, House Martell (because why not), and Bart the Bear.

(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 6, House/Order Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

And we’re back!  Not much movement this week plot-wise, since it was clearly an episode meant to set up more exciting episodes down the line.  As a heads up, I also finished “A Storm of Swords” this weekend, so for the first time, I’ve read ahead of the show.

1. House Lannister (Last Week – #1)

The Lannister’s remain number one chiefly because there wasn’t a ton of progress in the plot this week, and nothing in particular happened to knock them down.  While the Queen of Thorns may have temporarily bested Tywin Lannister in a game of “marriage roulette,” this represents a mere setback for Lord Tywin’s master plan.  In addition, Jaime is finally free of his captors and heading back to King’s Landing.

2. House Targaryen (Last Week – #2)

What city with Daenerys sack next week?  Stay tuned!

3. House Tyrell (Last Week – #5)

The Queen of Thorns put an end to House Tyrell being used as a pawn of Lord Tywin’s, for now at least.  I would say this puts them back on track for now.

4. House Stark (Last Week – #4)

Sansa just had a bad day, although it appears for the time being that the river troll has let Robb off easy.  Apparently Arya has “darkness in her soul” or some BS, but consider the source.  Who the hell cares what the creepy Red Lady thinks?  Nobody likes her.

5. The Free People (Last Week – #3)

They just lost a ton of people climbing that wall.  Ygritte’s “conquest” or no, that’s a bad week.

6. The Brotherhood Without Banners (Last Week – #8)

It appears Thoros gained some sort of “street cred” in the eyes of his Red Sorcery peers.  That’s gotta count for something.

7. House Greyjoy (Last Week – #6)

Sure they still control some territory, but since all we saw this week was Theon getting tortured (again), they’re coming down a notch.

8. House Baelish (Last Week – NR)

I realize that this is just Littlefinger, but since he just “beat” a guy who’s a idea of revenge is torturing someone in a cargo-hold (and doing so by being more cruel and vicious), he belongs on the list.  He is, after all, one of the most dangerous men in Westeros.

Also receiving votes: House Tully, House Baratheon, the Night’s Watch, ice climbing, target practice, bunny rabbits, and people who don’t know how to set fires (sorry Sam).

(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 5 House/Order Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

This week’s power rankings come a day later than usual, but here they are:

1. House Lannister (Last Week – #3)

Back on top after a couple of shaky weeks there.  I suppose that one should never underestimate a man like Tywin Lannister.  Even though he has made his daughter and son miserable in one fell swoop and his other child is fighting the effects of gangrene, his power move keeps the ambitious Tyrell’s at bay at least for another week.

2. House Targaryen (Last Week – #1)

The writers didn’t give Daenerys much to do (or conquer) this week.  At the risk of getting consumed by dragon’s fire, I’m dropping her down one peg.

3. The Free People (Last Week – #5)

This bump of the rankings is contingent on the success of Ygritte in turning Jon Snow away from what’s left of the Order of the Night’s Watch, if you can even call it an “order” anymore.  This is even considering the fact that Jon Snow’s new friends have a hell of a task ahead of them.  Would YOU want to climb the Wall?  Yikes!

4. House Stark (Last Week – #4)

Yes, Robb has lost a bunch of his bannermen.  Yes he now has to make nice with a river troll.  Still, he’s got a good deal of his father in him, for he who passes judgment swings the sword.

5. House Tyrell (Last Week – #2)

They still have a few avenues to power, but for the moment they are relegated to being a pawn of Tywin Lannister.

6.  House Greyjoy (Last Week – NR)

Here’s the deal – the Ironmen control key portions of the North at the moment, which is (finally) addressed as a problem for Robb Stark on the show.  This is made far clearer and more important in the books (I’m about 1/3 of the way through A Storm of Swords).  Also, no Theon this week to bring them down.

7. House Tully (Last Week – #7)

Still here solely based on the awesomeness of the Black Fish.

8. The Brotherhood without Banners (Last Week – #6)

As predicted last week, that did not go well.

Also receiving votes: The Night’s Watch, House Baratheon, House Bolton, Jon Snow’s virginity, and Ygritte’s lack thereof.

(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones Season 3, Episode 4 House/Order Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

What an episode!  Here’s this week’s power rankings:

1. House Targaryen (Last Week – #1)

All glory to Daenerys Stormborn of House Targaryen, First of that Name, Rightful Queen of the Andals and the First Men, and Rightful Lady Protector of the Seven Kingdoms of Westeros.  And if she keeps this up, Queen of more than a few kingdoms in Essos too.

2. House Tyrell (Last Week – #2)

The Tyrell’s are sinking their claws – or is it thorns? – into King’s Landing.  Joff the Bastard is easily manipulated, and Sansa Stark is naive and wooed by flattery.  The main drawback to House Tyrell, of course, is that the “lord oaf” men are still at least nominally in charge.

3. House Lannister (Last Week – #5)

Cersei and Jaime had a rough week, but Tyrion got an interesting lesson from Lord Varys and Tywin seems confident enough in his hard power to let the Tyrell’s have their soft power.  Still, it’s only a matter of time before the Tyrell’s power hardens.

4. House Stark (Last Week – #3)

Not much action from the Direwolves this week.  Things may finally be starting to improve for Sansa, but the lack of activity drops them a little for the time being.

5. The Free People (Last Week – #4)

The same goes for the Wildlings – no screen time means you’re in danger of dropping a little, sorry.

6. The Brotherhood Without Banners (Last Week – #6)

Trial by combat?  Against the Hound?  I have a feeling that this doesn’t end well.

7. House Tully (Last Week – #8)

Sometimes, inaction is a good thing.  The Tully’s are still in control of the Riverlands and, with Jaime back in the hands of allies, the monkey may be off Catelyn’s back.

8. The Night’s Watch (Last Week – #7)

What Night’s Watch would that be?  Because I don’t think they really exist all that much anymore.

Also receiving votes: House Greyjoy, House Baratheon, House Bolton, roasted slavers, three-eyed ravens, Craster’s “wives,” and Pod’s python.

(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones Season Three, Episode 3 House/Order Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

And we’re back for week 3!  Not much movement this week, unless you count the movement of the Kingslayer’s hand from his arm.  Not that he didn’t deserve it, after all Bran still can’t walk.  Jaime would have lose the use of another limb to even that score.  Anyway, power rankings:

1. House Targaryen (Last week – #2)

I’m still on “A Clash of Kings” book-wise, but I have this sneaking suspicion Daenerys’ constantly promised “taking what is mine with fire and blood” is very close to coming to fruition.  With everyone else defending their positions, fleeing the Others, or wandering around in the woods, it’s good to see someone about to take charge and do some conquering.

2. House Tyrell (Last Week – #1)

They get bumped down by virtue of not showing up this week.  We’ll see how their scheming continues to develop next week, at least if the previews are any indication.

3. House Stark (Last week – #3)

Honestly, Arya got a tasty looking bread wolf, and that alone keeps House Stark in the #3 spot for the week.

4. The Free People (Last Week – #5)

Onward to the Wall I suppose, but at least they’re all still in one piece…

5. House Lannister (Last Week – #4)

Which is more than I can say for Jaime.  Tyrion may be in over his head (for the moment) as well, since he has the reasonable fear that the Iron Bank of Braavos is about to come and break his thumbs.  I suppose they’re still “in charge” for what it’s worth, but you don’t move up the power rankings by losing hands or attracting the ire of loan sharks.

6. The Brotherhood without Banners (Last Week – #6)

I like Thoros of Myr, and Arya has had good luck so far with free city folk from across the Narrow Sea.  They just need to figure out what to do with that stray dog they found.

7. The Night’s Watch (Last week – #7)

I really wish Samwell had chopped Craster’s head off.

8. House Tully (Last week – not ranked)

Catelyn is having some troubles, and Edmure is a pain in the butt.  Still, the Blackfish lights a mean funeral pyre, and I have this suspicion that Lyssa is about to make Littlefinger “fly.”

Also receiving votes: House Greyjoy, House Baratheon, bizarre punk rock remixes of minstrel songs, the fabulous order of (now) Tyrion’s ho’s, and squeaky stone floors.

(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe