Tag Archives: A Song of Ice and Fire

Game of Thrones Season 4, Episode 4 Power Rankings

By. D.G. McCabe

We all remember fondly the time when, as a swaddling babe, an ice monster took us to his stone circle and touched us on the forehead, forever inducting us into the order of ice zombies known as the White Walkers or the Others.  No?  Well neither do A Song of Ice and Fire book readers.  Anyway, power rankings:

1. House Targaryen (Last Week – #1)

Breaker of chains indeed!  Fire and Blood too, although this time without the “fire” part.  The only question I have is where she got the huge dragon banner?

2. House Tyrell (Last Week – #4)

And so non-book readers learn about the conspiracy that lead to the untimely death of everyone’s least favorite king since Louis XVI.  Meanwhile, Lady Margaery is trying to win Tommen’s admiration by breaking into his room in the middle of the night.  Sir Pounce approves!

3. House Baelish (Last Week – #2)

Littlefinger (da na na), he’s the man with the creepy touch – a slimy touch.  Such a cold finger (da na na), beckons you into his web of sin – but don’t go in.  But if you have no choice to go in, at least listen to what he says, Ms. Stark – you could actually learn something about the sick and twisted world you live in.

4. House Lannister (Last Week – #3)

Though still sitting the Iron Throne, things are becoming problematic for House Lannister. The rifts between them are getting wider every day. That’s not even counting Tyrion’s upcoming kangaroo court show trial.

5. House Martell (Last Week – #5)

Nothing doing for the Dornish this week.  This means no movement up or down.

6. House Greyjoy (Last Week – #6)

Nor for House Greyjoy.  Although we have to get something going with the Iron Born this season, since a lot of the non-book readers have probably forgotten about them by now.

7. The Free People (Last Week – #8)

The Wildlings have the upper hand this week.  The Night’s Watch looks pretty screwed at this point, especially since now they have to take care of a little side mission before all hell breaks loose.

8. The Others (Last Week – Not Ranked)

Mindless ice zombies?  Not so much – they apparently have complex rituals and social structure.  The people of Westeros should really get on doing something about these guys.

9. House Bolton (Last Week – Not Ranked)

I didn’t forget about the Rooster – who now has an inside man north of the wall and an army marching south.  A Ramsey free week is always a good thing for viewers too, he’s too much of a psycho to deal with week to week.

10 House Stark (Last Week – #10)

When will things actually get better for these guys?  Yikes.

Also receiving votes: The Night’s Watch, House Baratheon, House Tully, House Arryn, The Yunkai’i, The Meereenese, Whatever we’re calling those maniacs at Craster’s, Sir Pounce, Golden Hands, simmering hatred, the wine merchants of Westeros who nurse that simmering hatred, and significant changes from your source material.

(c) 2014 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones Season 4, Episode 3 Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

The aftermath of the Purple Wedding is still developing, but no matter what incest-Lannister sits the Iron Throne, the real ruler of Westeros is chaos.  Meanwhile, the Mother of Dragons is poised to sack another city of perfumed slavers.

1. House Targaryen (Last Week – #1)

Daenerys is not in Westeros, so she doesn’t have to deal with the war torn Riverlands, imperiled North, wheel-spinning Dragonstoners, or Lannisters.  She also has catapults, dragons, and a healthy sense of propaganda.

2. House Baelish (Last Week – Unranked)

Who’s your puppet master now Westeros?  Who’s your puppet master now?

3. House Lannister (Last Week – #4)

Tywin already has his hooks into poor Tommen.  Things are looking bad for Tyrion, and much ink has already been spilled on the Jaime/Cersei scene from this week.  I’m waiting on next week’s episode to play out before passing judgment on it vis-a-vis its portrayal in the books.

4. House Tyrell (Last Week – #2)

The Lannisters still need House Tyrell, and the Lord Oaf of Highgarden will be sealing Tyrion’s fate.  Along with…

5. House Martell (Last Week – #3)

The Red Viper of Dorne, who seems contented at the moment.  Man I wish we didn’t have to wait until next season for more Dornish!

6. House Greyjoy (Last Week – #5)

Even Lord Tywin is starting to get nervous about the Ironborn controlling vast swaths of the North.

7. House Baratheon (Last Week – #7)

Holding steady (pun intended) this week at #7 – Stannis is still being all pissed off on Dragonstone.  Luckily for him, Sir Davos remembers that the Iron Bank always gets its due.

8. The Free People (Last Week – #9)

Now you see why the Night’s Watch sends rangers out into the frozen abyss to fight these guys.

9. The Night’s Watch (Last Week – #9)

The Free Folk have the upper hand at the moment, but at least the boys in black have chicken.  The Hound would be happy.

10. House Stark (Last Week – #8)

I toyed with dropping the Starks from the rankings this week.  I couldn’t bring myself to do it because they really aren’t in bad shape at the moment.

Also receiving votes: House Bolton, House Tully, House Arryn, The Meereenese, The Yunkai’i, The Others, a complete lack of human decency, honest work for honest pay, and dumb horses.

(c) 2014 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones Season 4, Episode 2 Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

I’ve finished all of the books so far, so I knew what was going to happen last night.  I’ve had to bite my tongue for several weeks when show-only fans would comment “I hope Joffrey dies,” knowing that the Purple Wedding was coming, and soon.  George R. R. Martin himself wrote the episode last night, and it was fantastic.

1. House Targaryen (Last Week – #3)

An idle week for the Mother of Dragons.  And by idle I mean getting more and more angry.  From previews it looks like more Fire and Blood next week from our bleach-blonde heroine.

2. House Tyrell (Last Week – #2)

Lady Margaery doesn’t have to marry Joffrey after all.  Now that her father, Mace Tyrell, better known to viewers as “The Lord Oaf of Highgarden,” has arrived in King’s Landing, the Tyrells aren’t going anywhere.


3. House Martell (Last Week – #4)

What did Prince Oberyn do this week?  He was just being awesome – that’s all he needs to do to move his house up a slot.

4. House Lannister (Last Week – #1)

The Lannisters are still in charge, having two more Jaime/Cersei lovechildren to go through before losing the throne.  However, this week was a not-so-subtle reminder that even they are vulnerable.

5. House Greyjoy (Last Week – #8)

The show finally reminds us that the Greyjoys are the true wardens of the north at the moment.  The Rooster has some work to do.

6. House Bolton (Last Week – #5)

As Ramsey told Roose, he has Theon well “trained.”  We’ll see who’s right about how useful that is, father psycho or son really-really psycho.

7. House Baratheon (Last Week – #7)

Well, at least Stannis can burn his allies.  Because that’s totally a great idea.


8. House Stark (Last Week – #6)

Little does Roose Bolton know that Bran Stark is beyond his reach.  Rickon probably is at this point too.

9 (Tie). The Night’s Watch (Last Week – #9), The Free People (Last Week – #10)

No news from the impending battle royale of the North this week.  Stay tuned everyone!

Also receiving votes: House Tully, House Arryn, The Others, The Meereenese, The Yunkai’i, pigeon pie, dead pigeon pie, and dead Joffrey filled with dead pigeon pie.

(c) 2014 D.G. McCabe

Games of Thrones – Season 4, Episode 1 Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

And we’re back!  More brutal stabbings!  More trips to brothels!  More Dragons!  More Tyrion!  Let’s get right to it:

1. House Lannister (Last Week – #2)

And one big sword becomes two.  I can’t really rank House Lannister any lower than #1 this week after our season opened with such an unequivocal display of Lord Tywin’s power.

2. House Tyrell (Last Week – #5)

Lady Olenna is one of the shrewder players in the game, and knows talent when she sees it (in the person of Brianne of Tarth).  Meanwhile, even the scion of House Lannister (Jaime) can see that House Tyrell is the power behind the throne at the moment.

3. House Targaryen (Last Week – #1)

The three dragons are getting larger, and Meereen has another thing coming to it if it thinks it can intimidate their mother.  Trying to scare her in the most horrific way possible will only anger her more.  You should ask the Unsullied dealer from Astapor what happens to people who do that just to double check.

4. House Martell (Last Week – #4)

No one makes an entrance like the Red Viper of Dorne!

5. House Bolton (Last Week – #3)

Well House Bolton fans, the Dreadfort is now a location in the opening!  So all four of you, give yourselves a pat on the back.  Then go back to your usual prison routine.

6. House Stark (Last Week – #10)

She’s out there people.  Arya the Avenger.  You’d best not take her sword, you won’t like it when she comes looking for it!  Also, she wants her own horse dammit!

7. House Baratheon (Last Week #6)

Stannis is being ridiculed in King’s Landing…

8. House Greyjoy (Last Week #7)

…but at least he’s not being completely ignored in King’s Landing.

9. The Night’s Watch (Last Week #8)

Umm…you should probably stop wasting time questioning Jon Snow and get moving there guys.

10. The Free People (Last Week #9)

After all, the Wildlings are coming pretty fast.  And if you lose, they’re going to eat you.  Yum.

Also receiving votes: House Arryn, House Tully, The Others, The Meereenese, The Yunki’i, miscellaneous Dornishmen, and chickens, lots of chickens.

(c) 2014 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones Season 4 – Preseason Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

It’s that time again!  We’re just over one week away from the season premiere of Game of Thrones on HBO.  As such, I thought I would do a brief post reminding everyone where the realm stands with a preseason power rankings post:


1. House Targaryen

Daenerys Stormborn, the Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar, and the First Men, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains, and Mother of Dragons seeks to add “Queen of Mereen” onto her list of titles this season.  She’s already taken out too enemy cities along Slaver’s Bay, and her dragons are growing bigger.


2. House Lannister

The War of the Five Kings is all but over, and the Lannisters are in control of Westeros for all intents and purposes.  Well, specifically, Tywin Lannister is in charge of the Seven Kingdoms, although his waste of space grandson still occupies the Iron Throne.


3. House Bolton

The Boltons are now Wardens of the North and charged with mopping up the northern front of the war.  So far, all viewers know of Ramsey Snow is that he is torturing Theon Greyjoy.  From previews, it appears that his character will get some much needed development this season.


4. House Martell

Unbowed, unbent, unbroken – these are the words of House Martell.  The Martells have stayed out of the action thus far, and have been barely mentioned in the series.  That is about to change this season with the introduction of Oberyn Martell – the Red Viper of Dorne.


5. House Tyrell

The Tyrells had their ups and downs last season.  Despite getting outplayed by the Lannisters thus far, they are still in a position of power and influence in King’s Landing.  They will continue to play a large role in shaping events.


6. House Baratheon

Stannis spent most of last season ruminating on Dragonstone, but he still controls a decent amount of territory and a good sized army.  He shouldn’t be counted out, especially when his closest ally can birth demons out of her lady parts.


7. House Greyjoy

Raiders for the Iron Islands currently control a large section of the North and a large navy.  Things are looking a bit shaky for them, even as TV Asha (Yara) is going after Theon.


8. The Night’s Watch

Jon Snow has finally rejoined his black brothers, with hopefully enough time to fight off the raiding party coming in from the south.  They still have advantages over the Wildlings, but the fight won’t be easy.


9. The Free People

The Wildlings are poised for a massive assault, coming at both sides of the Wall.  The Night’s Watch still has an advantage in training and defenses, but the Wildlings have the numbers.


10. House Stark

All is not lost.  Bran continues north on his quest to find the Three Eyed Raven, and Rickon and Sansa still live.  There also walks Arya Stark – the soul of vengeance.  Valar Morghulis.

Also Receiving Votes: House Frey, House Tully, House Arryn, The Others, Bart the Bear, Dragon Barbeque (patent pending), a Dothraki Horde, and Sir Pounce.

(c) 2014 D.G. McCabe

Game of Thrones, Season 3, Episode 1 – House/Order Power Rankings

By D.G. McCabe

Inspired by meaningless sports power rankings, here is a similar weekly Game of Thrones feature:

1. House Lannister

King’s Landing is still in one piece, Joff the Bastard is still on the Iron Throne, and Tywin Lannister is in charge.  Tyrion, meanwhile, is back where he belongs – climbing the ladder.  Even the war looks good for the Lannisters for the first time, with the Baratheons defeated at Blackwater and, for the time being, and Tyrells on their side.  With no appearance from the still captive Kingslayer this week, these guys are #1.

2. House Tyrell

The Tyrell’s are backing the right horse at the moment, or lion as the case may be.  It is also not so subtly hinted that the Lannister’s know they’d be screwed at present if it weren’t for Sir Loras and Lady Margaery’s desire to see Stannis Baratheon drawn and quartered.  I have this feeling they’ll be in the top spot before long.

3. House Stark

For now, the Young Wolf is still winning.  Soon enough, he’ll have a pissed-off river troll coming after him, realize his home has been burned by pirates (because hey, what else would you call Iron Islanders?), and he now has to face the combined strength of Casterly Rock and Highgarden.  If Jon Snow weren’t doing his best James Bond impression up north, the Starks would be much lower on this list.

4. House Targaryen

The Old Dynasty had a good week for what it’s worth, with the re-appearance of Barristan the Bold and (finally) a boat.  Daenerys has a lot of learning to do still, but at least she will never be short on barbeque fish.

5. The Free People

The Wildlings have two things going for them: the know about the Others and they have giants.  On the the other hand, they’re freezing their butts off and they just let Jon Snow walk in the door.

6. The Night’s Watch

Well, at least they’re heading back to the Wall.

7. House Greyjoy

Good news, Winterfell lies in ruins.  Bad news, everything else.  At least we didn’t have to put up with Theon this week.

8. House Baratheon

Stannis has decided that it makes more sense to burn infidels at the stake with his crazy-ass sorceress than try to rebound from his defeat at King’s Landing.  Because fire – that’s a solution to everything.

Also receiving votes: House Tully, The Fabulous Order of Littlefinger’s Ho’s, The Unsullied, and those guys dumping crap out their windows.

(c) 2013 D.G. McCabe