A cold wind comes from the north. That’s a bit of an understatement, right? The revised opening credits emphasize that the doom of this world approaches. Anyway, let’s get right into the power rankings.
1. The White Walkers (Pre-Season, #1)
Yeah, these guys aren’t going anywhere for a while on the Rankings. This being Game of Thrones, there’s a decent chance that everyone dies, and the Others win. There might be actual riots in the street, but it could happen.
2. House Lannister (Pre-Season, #4)
CGI money doesn’t grow on trees, so no elephants. Pachyderms or no, there’s a lot of space between the Dead and Cersei, and for that reason, she’s in better shape than her enemies. Good on her for “celebrating” with “eccentric” sea captains.
3. House Stark (Pre-Season, #2)
Lyanna Mormont: We made you king!
Jon: Um, there’s an army coming…
Sansa: Also, your new girlfriend is lame.
Jon: Um, I really don’t think…
Arya: Also, I like Sansa now.
Jon: Um, guys…
Sam: Also, you’re the one, true king!
Bran: THE DEAD ARE COMING! WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR ANY OF THIS SHIT!
4. House Targaryen (Pre-Season, #3)
Daenerys is usually pretty observant, so she should realize that only Targaryens can typically ride dragons, right? Or maybe she figures her idiot brother was lying about that.
5. House Greyjoy (Pre- Season, #6)
Yara is thinking ahead, and that’s good for her. But with the Dead bearing down on Winterfell, does Theon have time to get there? That part didn’t make much sense.
6. House Arryn (Pre-Season #5)
I guess they’re loyal to…Sansa? I might be done ranking these guys. Despite having one of the largest extant armies, they’ve become inconsequential to the story. Unless someone ends up retreating to the Eyrie, that is.
7. The Night’s Watch (Pre-Season, #7)
The White Walkers looked at what’s left of the Watch, considered adding them to the army of the dead, and concluded, “Nah, we’re good.”
Also receiving votes: grandson of Ser Pounce, Hot Pie, Sam’s library fines, pirate swagger, the continued embrace of pointless nudity, and creepy dragons who like to watch.
(C) 2019 D.G. McCabe